If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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