He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
