He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
