but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
