your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
