I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize