I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
