All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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