The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
