Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
