i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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