the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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