she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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