is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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