I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
