God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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