It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
