I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
