we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
