pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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