Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
