we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
