I think my vagina is haunted
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
