he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
