did you get engaged???
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
