The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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