I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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