so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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