Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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