I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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