guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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