pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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