so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize