I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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