I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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