Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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