Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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