it wasn't lemon gatorade
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
