i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
