I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
