I will die if light touches me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just had sex on a roof
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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