I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
