I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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