Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
