Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
