And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
