All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
