She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
