Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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