Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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