I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
