good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
