In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize