Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
