so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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