Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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