I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
