i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
