wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize