I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
