Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
