Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize