dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
