He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
