Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
