if you like me you must not know who I am
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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