Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
