I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
