shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
