**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
