I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
