my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
