Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
