Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My dick has a subreddit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
