I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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