I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
