I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
