who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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