Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
