It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
