my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
