Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
