i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
