My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
