there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
