I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
