You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
