Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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