YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love you. Go after that dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize