I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
