"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
